116.6

Well that number is better.

120.2

I can't believe my wt is this high.

110.0 at work

Well last night did not go as planned which seems to be the norm right now. In the afternoon I got an awful headache that would just not go away. I took some advil, that didn't work so I had a fiber bar thinking maybe carbs would help, it didn't. So I took 1mg of xanax and told myself I would just go to be early. I did go to bed earlier than normal but I ended up not going to the gym and eating some stew. So not exactly what I wanted or planed on. So far today I have had one protein bar and tons of vegetables. I am fighting the urge to eat another protein bar, I keep telling myself that I have 30 minutes until I teach my class then I am on my way home. I had to resist the want of donuts earlier today I swear they were calling me! But I got on the scale and I am down which is good. I just have to keep thinking about the scale. Don't eat today what you will regret tomorrow!

110.5 at work

I did really well last night and was rewarded on the scale this morning with the lovely number of 111.6 and now at work 110.5lbs. At work my fat mass is back down a bit to 22.5lbs, I want to get to 21 which was my low and then to 15lbs. Really is that too much to ask for? Still haven't been to the gym but hubby said today he wanted to go so we will see if he is still in the mood to go tonight when I get out of work. No matter what tonight I am going to bed early I am so tired today. It took me hitting the snooze button three times to get out of bed this morning. I hate getting up that early just for the meetings we have to go to, and we have another one tomorrow at 7am again. Ugh. But then on Thursday I get to sleep in since I don't have to be at work until noon, YAY!
So now I am sitting at work and all I can think about are carbs, any really. I want to devour the snack bars we sell, go to a fast food place and get a vanilla shake, go to the CVS across the street and get chocolate. Pretty much anything right now would be good. But instead I am going to go eat more vegetables that I brought in, it is definitely making a difference in my weight eating only vegetables here at work so I think I will keep with it as long as I can.

tough weekend

So this weekend was hard but I didn't eat as well as I would have liked. This is due to the fact that my husband likes gummy fish and we went to visit my mother for her birthday. You see I am weak willed and therefor I ate said gummy fish and cake. So I am content with the fact the scale here at work is reading 111lbs and at home this morning it was 112.8. Hopefully by the end of the week I make it back to my low of 109lbs and can then move forward to my ultimate goal of 103. Well 100 would be perfect but for now I will work toward 103.
So now for something I hate to write about but need to get out of my head because it is doing no good there by itself. My husband is schizophrenic and the past few weeks have been tough for him, which means they have been tough on me too. Well on Friday we had an argument about something, I don't even remember now what it was about. But that doesn't bother me we are a married couple of course we argue sometimes, but he grabbed my shirt and wouldn't let go. It was just my shirt and it didn't escalate but it still happened. Of course he apologized and the next day we had a long talk about how if he is having a hard time it means that I also have a hard time. Since I am basically in charge of a lot of the things that goes on like keeping appointments, grocery shopping, managing our income it gets to me after awhile and can be really stressful. So Saturday I went to pick up my Rx and stayed out a bit longer than I really needed to, just to relax. It was so nice to just be by myself, I went and tried on jeans at Kohls- and I really liked that. I didn't buy anything because I didn't love anything I tried on. So this coming weekend I think I will go to Macy's since I have a gift card there and try to find some jeans. My size 5 Mudds are able to be pulled down without unbuttoning which is awesome but leaves me without any pants that fit. So I really need to buy at least one pair of jeans. Thank God I have a gift card otherwise I wouldn't have the money to get them.

111.5 at work

Okay my wt is driving me insane! I have been so good this week, my only challenge has been those gummy fish, and the scale is just sucking so much. In reality I realize my wt has greatly improved this week but it is not where I want it to be by any means. At the beginning of the week I was at 114.5 and now I am 111.5 here at work.
Oh great I am looking out the window here at work and it has been snowing all day on and off but very lightly and nothing was sticking. Well now it is really coming down. Shit. I have a 40 min drive and I have to stop at the pharmacy for my husbands prescriptions. I just hope the interstate is cleared off. I am on main roads or highways the whole time so it should be fine.
I stopped at the grocery store before work today and I might go back after work. They had the steam able veggies on sale and I bought one that had a light Asian flavor and it was really good. In reality I know that it had more calories then it needed for the flavor and that I could just use some fat free butter and spices. Yup I think I will be practical this time around. I am broke as fuck, all the bills will get paid but gas, cable, and electric will not be paid in full this month. Or last month or the month before. Oh well it will all be paid eventually and those bills don't count towards my credit rating so I don't mind them not being paid in full.
This weekend will be a challenge, X has been weird all week long and it is kind of bringing me down too. We have to go to meetings on Saturday and Sunday, but I want to go visit my mom for her birthday too. Oh and tomorrow I also have to pick up the dogs prescriptions too. Now doesn't that sound like a fun weekend?
Wish me luck, I will need it.

So today has been a long day so far. I woke up to my dog having a seizure at around midnight and then I didn't want to get up to go to a meeting set at 7am. So my husband and I both agreed to go back to sleep. I still had to get up before I really wanted to but at least I was able to sleep a bit longer. So we got up and I brought him to his therapy session. I actually like waiting for him sometimes because it gives me one hour to myself even if it is alone time in a waiting room. Oh and it is a communal waiting room for some really odd departments. Lets see we have drug court people waiting, people on ankle bracelets that will detect alcohol, and the corners office. Strangely I know the girl who is interning at that office and I saw her today. Her mom owns a wt loss center I used to work at, that is until she “let me go”. Anyway then I had to come into work early, my manager went away for long weekend and the person opening the center this morning is not well regarded. Today was her last day so I wont be working with her anymore but the owner was also here when I came in. So it looks like I am really responsible coming in an hour earlier than I was scheduled. So he left for the day and now I am alone here for the rest of today and all of tomorrow. I am oddly very happy about being alone and being able to work on my projects by myself with out anyone here with me.
So food wise last night was not the best. X was not feeling well as I expected so he wanted McD's, gummy fish, and sleeping pills. What a wonderful combination; fat, sugar and sleeping pills. So I picked up some of those steamable veggies that looked good for myself and some diet soda for work but I caved and ate gummy fish, way too many.
Today has been much better so far I have only had salad which is good that was my plan. Tonight I have no idea what to expect with my husband if we will be going to gym finally or not. Or if he is going to make a diner or really anything. It is generally a surprise when it comes to things like that. I can't really plan for evenings anymore. I just sent him a text to see what he wants to do my guess is he will say he doesn't know what he wants to do and “we will see” ugh.
On to frustrating news my wt is staying the same and pissing me off. This morning I took 4 laxatives to finally have a bm and it worked I had one just before but it made no difference on the scale. My fat mass is still at 24lbs. I want to go down to about 15lbs and get my total wt to about 103lbs. So I still need to lose 9.5 more lbs. These last 10 have been the worse, all due to me. I am generally happy with how much I lost so its not as intense of a feeling anymore. But in all honesty I really want to get rid of everything that is still jiggly which is not going away. I really need to get to the gym.