Annoyed

Well first for the happy news- I got the new job with a nice increase in salary!   I started to get worried I wouldn't get it because my manager had been acting weird with me but maybe it was all in my head.  I won't be starting for right away maybe 2 or 3 weeks which sucks but oh well.  
On to the big problem.   My husband.   He is not doing great right now and it is getting to the point that I can't lie to myself anymore.  I have been thinking continually about what to do and I have yet to find an answer.   I can't continue to live this way but I don't know how I could just leave him.  I need to do something.   I am not happy.   Yesterday when I left work I needed to go grocery shopping and stop at my parents house to print out some insurance forms before coming home.   But he said he wanted to come with me so I picked  him up first.   I knew it was a mistake,  he had been texting me randomly throughout the night not making sense but I figured he wouldn't have wanted to leave the house if he was really out of it.  I was wrong.   He got in the car and I had to change my plans.   He was slurring his speech,  mixing up his words, and had such a disorganized speach pattern.   I couldn't go to my parents house with him like that so we just went to the store.   I really really tried to stay calm but I didn't do a great job at that.   I asked him to go down one row by himself to pick out his cereal while I got ground meat.  I could see him and he could see me so I didn't think it would be a problem.   Again I was wrong.   As I was getting the meat he came back to me saying he knew I was uncomfortable because a strange guy had been talking to me.  That had not happened.  So I asked him to go get the cereal.   I grabbed the meat I wanted and followed him.  He was so lost in his own head.  He was wandering around picking up and dropping boxes and putting them back in the wrong spot.  We got the cereal finally and finished shopping when he then said he wanted flavor packets to put in his water and that he would quickly go get them.   He asked that I stay next to the bananas so he could find me.  OK, I knew this was a bad idea but I was out of energy to fight.   He took forever and came back with nothing.   At this point I just wanted to get home and go to bed.  On the drive home he was talking nonstop and unrealistically.   The unrealistic thoughts and plans have been driving me crazy lately because he truly believes that this shit is possible and a good idea.  I have hit the point that I can't pretend to myself anymore. Oh and after work today I get to go see my psych PA who prescribes my medicine.   I need to be honest with her and tell her how unhappy I have been.   I will not continue to be unhappy.

New year

2014 has been going well so far...
I felt so gross in so many ways the last time I wrote that I thought I needed to make a big change.   So instead of working on my big issues I decided to first start with something easy.   Food.  Always a great distraction from my other issues.   So I planned on cleaning up my food choices because I have been eating crappy for months and it has taken a toll on my body.   I gained weight, I was feeling very tired and low, and my skin was suffering too.  Acne and a random rash on my stomach that kept flaring up.  The plan was to eat fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds only for 3 days in unlimited quantities.   Then one day of no rules just moderation.   Then 3 days of fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds with a normal meal after work if I wanted. It was not hard at all I really felt like my body was getting cleaner.  I wasn't hungry, my face cleared up and the rash is almost gone. So I think it was a success.   Now I must do the hard part,  eat in a manner that provides me all the nutrients I need, keeps me satisfied and healthy.  No extremes - like I said the hard work really starts. 
I also plan on eating real meals with my husband a few nights a week.   Since I work night shift I plan on waking up at 7pm to have a nice night with him.  I normally don't like to eat anything heavy when I first wake up but I want to try to have a real meal with him at least 2 or 3 times a week.   Last night I made a pretty heavy meal and I keep burping!   We had whole wheat pasta with alfredo sauce and pan seared chicken breasts.  Didn't think it would repeat on me all night long!   Our next meal together will be Friday night and I have not yet decided what to make.   I have ground meat thawing so it needs to pair nicely with that and I must have the ingredients in my kitchen already.   I am not picking up any groceries until we utilize everything we can. 
I  "interviewed" for the new job in the admissions department.   It wasn't really an interview seeing as it was less than 13 minutes long.   Apparently she needs to make sure my degree in Nutrition with a minor in English will be accepted education for the job. So we will see I guess.   I am also going to redo my resume and start looking for a new job.  I do like my job but I really should look for new one that really interests me and pays more.  That way if I see something I will be prepared.
Okay this was long and rambling enough!   And yes Kitty 2014 will be a better year for us.