New plan for the week

Well January didn't go as well as I had hoped but in a few hours it will be a brand new month. My goals for spending time on myself and relaxing more went decently but I do need to keep it in the forefront of my mind. Money wise has been ok, if I stick to my plan things will be less stressful and we will be able to save for a vacation this summer. Its emoitional eating/binge eating that has been my problem. I have been using food as my drug to relax and escape, but shit the return to real life afterwards sucks. So I have been thinking about what I can do to change this pattern. Since I over eat proccessed carbs like cereal and bread I have rethought my grocery list and menu for the week. I am not buying cereal because I tend to overeat it even the healthy kind. I am not going to buy anything that I would normally pair with bread so that I won't have trigger foods on hand. Instead I am going to prepare a few days worth of food on Friday after work. I like to keep things simple so I am picking four dishes that I can mix and match. Broccoli and reduced fat cheese Green salad with chickpeas Salsa chicken A tomato based soup with tons of vegetables and kidney beans And maybe after a few days I will cook some lean ground turkey to add to the mix and try to have eggs once or twice to mix things up. I did all the calculations and I know I can get the nutritents I need without having any of my trigger foods in the house. So I am going to make a goal for the week having been inspired by Emily. I am going to take atleast 3 hours to myself with in the next 7 days. I will eat healthy, nutritious, and delicious food for my well being. I will not eat food as an escape or in excess quantities. So tomorrow after work I will go to the store and then prepare my yummy food and keep it as simple as I can for myself. Have a great weekend ladies!

Yay I dont feel like crap

Well at least it is something. Yesterday went pretty well, work was fine and I was able to do a bunch of little things on my to do list. Today I am planing on puting away all my clean clothes. I actually have two full hampers filled with clean clothes and I have a pile in the dryer waiting to be put away. What I really need to do is clean my whole closet but I am not sure when I will be able to do it/force myself to do it. Oh I never gave my husband the "contract" I wrote up but we did talk about the past month and how he has been acting. I still want to give it to him and talk about it but the timing has been off. By the time I got up the courage to bring it up we both ended up getting sick. I just felt like crap with a horrible headache but I think he had the flu. Things are much better right now and I am hoping things continue to improve. We even talked about this not being a good time to have kids, I never told him I went back on the pill. So he is gaining some clairity into our real life which is good.

Ten days into the new year and I already feel worn out. I have tried to keep up with my resolutions and I am doing so in a half assed sort of way. Money wise I have been staying on track with only giving into my husband wanting something from the mini mart two times. I have kepted both Wednesdays free of my to do list, and trying to just relax at those times. And foodwise I started eating nice and healthy for about a week and then had a few mini binges. So as of yesterday I am back to eating right. I just wish I could shake this depression, it feels like I am trapped under a blanket and I can't get out. I had therapy today really its just a check in with the person who prescribes my meds and I have to fill out a survey eachtime. And eachtime my answers are either showing I am feeling more and more depressed. But I think I send her mixed signals because I like her as a person and I seem brighter when I talk to her. I have had a tough time with my husband too and I know that is a big part of the depression. We got in a big fight and I actually left the house for awhile. I only came back when he sent me a text asking where I went. He didn't remember the fight and telling me to leave. I was so pissed. I know he is sick, I know he can't remember somethings, but I do. Somedays I'm just so angry. He did see my black and blue on my arm from grabbing me and he felt horrible but it does not make a difference. I don't forgive him. I told him I want to talk to his dr because he is doing so poorly. He didn't like that idea but I am sticking with it. I will not let this shit continue, if he doesn't try to make shit better I am done. I have to. So anyway I am trying to build up the courage to give him the contract I wrote up, I want to give it to him tomorrow. I hope I do.

Setting goals

Ok, my goal is to have a healthier year compared to last year so I am taking stock of different aspects that I can improve on for the new year.  So far I have broken that down into three categories:  physical health, mental health, and fiscal health.  Under physical health is going to the dentist and the eye doctor.  Those should be relatively easy to do, I have insurance and a nurse mentioned a dentist just the other day that she uses so I will ask her for his contact information.  Glasses I need and that could be expensive but again I have insurance and I set up a "flex spending account" that puts aside 500 dollars for medical use only.  I am hopeful that I will be able to tap into that for any extra costs.  Under mental health I have come to the conclusion that I need to take time out of each week for "me" time and that I need to set up ground rules  with my husband.  For the "me" time I have told my husband that Wednesday mornings are myb relaxing time.  I will not take care of my to do list, set up appointments for him, or do anything I don't want to do.  I will instead spend that time getting my hair cut, painting my nails, and using the gift card I have for the day spa.  The setting of ground rules is trickier.  I want to write out an actual contract that outlines what is not allowed to happen and the consequences of such behaviors.  This would include my husband taking his medication as prescribed, not using other substances to escape life, no hitting, and that he must take care of himself and some more of the housework.  Fiscal health is a tough one.  I stress about money all the time so I am focussing on ways to alleviate this issue. I spent time yesterday setting up a budget and planned all of Januarys bills and how to pay for them. I reviewed it with my husband and he actually seemed to understand that we will only have a certain amount of money avaliable for bills, groceries, etc. Now the hard part; implementing these actions! Good luck to everyone who is reading this.