Ok I am still up in wt but I went off track some what this weekend so it is to be expected. I was 123 last week at this time so that is a positive. If I do two pounds a week I should be about 114lbs for the wedding shower. Since the wedding will be smaller than they family thought, we were un-invited. I is actually a good thing since between gifting, new clothes and a hotel for 2 weddings would have been expensive. My mom did have a great idea that my husband and I go to Boston with them for the first wedding and just visit it as tourists. I would really like to do that since we have not been on a real vaction ever.
My husband is now on a new medication that seems to be working very well. The insurance company want a prior authorition before they will pay for it but I found a coupon for one free month of the drugs website so he started it and hopefully he will be approved before he runs out. He hasn't really been motivated to do much latly. He says he is bored and wants to get out of the house but dosent have the follow through with anything. I found a few things I knew he would be interested in but he doesn't that the plunge and actually look into it or anything. I can only recommend things I can't make him go or do the activity.
Same hing with my family, they have reset themselves to a destructive mode and instead of changing they just carry on and act like this is the only choice they have. If my parents would just give my sister and utlamatim to grow up or move out I know things would be improved some what at least. But instead my brother in law totals a car and no one says anything.
Eh I have to get back to work and charge my phone for now.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
120.1
I hate that I am up, even if it is only .2 that I am up. I am aware in my rational brain that it is just a matter of water balance in my body but still I was out of the 120's and I want to stay out. So I have to keep up today with everything and make sure I am down tomorrow.
I was o stressed yesterday about money it sucks. I went over my credit limit so that I could get gas and I wrote a check that wil be bouncing. I called the place I wrote it for and asked if I could use a different payment option but the guy said it was too late. I might stop there after work and ask again.
This sucks.
I was o stressed yesterday about money it sucks. I went over my credit limit so that I could get gas and I wrote a check that wil be bouncing. I called the place I wrote it for and asked if I could use a different payment option but the guy said it was too late. I might stop there after work and ask again.
This sucks.
Friday, February 24, 2012
119.9
Yes, out of the 120's! After the mechanic yesterday I did not eat anything, ok I had 4 shreaded wheat, and I wt myself. When I saw the same number on the scale as I saw at the begining of my day I knew I could hold off on eating. So I did the logical thing; I took 2 diurectics and chugged 20 oz of water. I don't mind waking up to use the bathroom when I sleep and I was graced with 119.9! I need to keep this momentum going no back tracking. So my plan:
I have my shreaded wheat and two veggie burgers with me, however, I had a small dixie cup of regular tosdidos scoops to settle my stomach. I am going with 100 calories. I had the worst heartburn I have ever had before work tonight. I had just taken all my pills for the morning, 2 prosac, 1 bronkaid, and 1 no doz, when it hit me hard. So I chewed on tums, then some more, then a few more and finally it has gone away. I had planned on eating breakfast when I woke up but I was in such pain I really couldn't. I had the chips thinking the starch and fat would help keep the acid down, although I should have had my cereal instead. Oh well can't change that but I must not let it continue the rest of the day. I must stop at my parents house after work today, I really need $100. My mom said she could pay me back on 3/1 but the car repairs were more than I had and I ended up writing a check that I don't have enough money to cover. Awesome, I feel like such a wonderful, stable, responsible adult. Going to my parents house is like walking in a war torn country with land mines. You know it is a dangerous task but you can hope you don't step on a trigger. I know there will be food on the dinning room table, the kitchen counter and the kitchen table. You know a normal Friday morning. Oh and since they moved to a smaller house all that food is in a 20 feet radius. So I will go in the house and make sure I don't eat anything! I just have to stop by and see how mom is doing after her surgery, see my grandma and some how get $100. No biggie right?
I have my shreaded wheat and two veggie burgers with me, however, I had a small dixie cup of regular tosdidos scoops to settle my stomach. I am going with 100 calories. I had the worst heartburn I have ever had before work tonight. I had just taken all my pills for the morning, 2 prosac, 1 bronkaid, and 1 no doz, when it hit me hard. So I chewed on tums, then some more, then a few more and finally it has gone away. I had planned on eating breakfast when I woke up but I was in such pain I really couldn't. I had the chips thinking the starch and fat would help keep the acid down, although I should have had my cereal instead. Oh well can't change that but I must not let it continue the rest of the day. I must stop at my parents house after work today, I really need $100. My mom said she could pay me back on 3/1 but the car repairs were more than I had and I ended up writing a check that I don't have enough money to cover. Awesome, I feel like such a wonderful, stable, responsible adult. Going to my parents house is like walking in a war torn country with land mines. You know it is a dangerous task but you can hope you don't step on a trigger. I know there will be food on the dinning room table, the kitchen counter and the kitchen table. You know a normal Friday morning. Oh and since they moved to a smaller house all that food is in a 20 feet radius. So I will go in the house and make sure I don't eat anything! I just have to stop by and see how mom is doing after her surgery, see my grandma and some how get $100. No biggie right?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
waiting...
So here I am waiting as my car gets about $600.00 worth of stuff done to it. I say stuff because I came in for an oil change and I knew the brakes had something wrong with them. I ofcourse was hoping it was a cheap fix, its not, oh and duh! the shocks also had to be replaced. Awesome.
On a happy note I have only had 550cals for the day and I am going to try to have something really filling but low in calories when I finally get home. I am thinking my bean wrap which is: yummy, filling, and only 130 calories. That is if I feel I need to have something to eat. I am aiming for a lot of fiber for the next month or so because I need to have blood work done and I had high cholesterol a few years back when I was a binge eater. I was able to lower it to the healthy range but it has now been a year and its time to see how it is now. And I stil have to lose at least 5.9lbs before the bridal shower. And find an outfit to wear. It must make me look thin and sophisticated. That's asking a lot. Please if any one reads this I am open to suggestions, in fact please give me some ideas. I mean I guess I can look for a dress but I don't know. Oh well I better start looking.
Well that's all for now except by checking recent body comps I realized I went from 29.5 lbs of fat to 26.8 which is a loss of 2.7! Awesome drop but so much more to go.
On a happy note I have only had 550cals for the day and I am going to try to have something really filling but low in calories when I finally get home. I am thinking my bean wrap which is: yummy, filling, and only 130 calories. That is if I feel I need to have something to eat. I am aiming for a lot of fiber for the next month or so because I need to have blood work done and I had high cholesterol a few years back when I was a binge eater. I was able to lower it to the healthy range but it has now been a year and its time to see how it is now. And I stil have to lose at least 5.9lbs before the bridal shower. And find an outfit to wear. It must make me look thin and sophisticated. That's asking a lot. Please if any one reads this I am open to suggestions, in fact please give me some ideas. I mean I guess I can look for a dress but I don't know. Oh well I better start looking.
Well that's all for now except by checking recent body comps I realized I went from 29.5 lbs of fat to 26.8 which is a loss of 2.7! Awesome drop but so much more to go.
120.9
Wt. 120.9
Fm. 26.8lbs
F% 22.3%
H2o 56.7%
B% 6.2%
Bmi 21.3
I was so happy with the scale! I was only hoping to be be 122. Yesterday I did extremly good, in fact I felt pretty good too. I think 4 bronks and 2 no doz is a good combo for me. So far today I have not eaten anything. I have 2 veggie burgers and shreaded wheat that I brought with me and one of my co workers brought in baby carrots (and junk food) so I have plently of choices tonight. After work I need to go get my oil changed so I want to eat something before I leave work. I don't want to be starving when I finally get home and end up eating too too much.
Fm. 26.8lbs
F% 22.3%
H2o 56.7%
B% 6.2%
Bmi 21.3
I was so happy with the scale! I was only hoping to be be 122. Yesterday I did extremly good, in fact I felt pretty good too. I think 4 bronks and 2 no doz is a good combo for me. So far today I have not eaten anything. I have 2 veggie burgers and shreaded wheat that I brought with me and one of my co workers brought in baby carrots (and junk food) so I have plently of choices tonight. After work I need to go get my oil changed so I want to eat something before I leave work. I don't want to be starving when I finally get home and end up eating too too much.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
123
Ok I was up in wt when I woke up but that is due to eating right before I went to sleep since I had a ton of errands to run. So before bed I ate, took some laxitives, took some diurectics and drank about 30 oz of water. So I woke up to 123. Wasn't too upset and then hee at work my stomach felt a bit odd, and ten I remembered the laxitives. So I took a hugh bm ( sorry tmi) which made me feel so much lighter. I also altered my bronkaid intake and took one with a no doz when I woke up, again 4 hours later, then I took one by itself around 2 hours later and I can't decide if I should take the next one with or without the no doz. No doz makes me jittery if I take to much- oh and bitchy too! Not enough xanax in the world to make people less annoying. Anyway, I just have to stay on track for the rest of the day. I will be awake for about 8 more hours so wish me luck!
Ok I also did a body comp when I woke up even though I was going to try to hold off on doing one.
123 wt
28.2 fat lbs
23% fat
56.2% h2o
6.2% bone mass
21.7 bmi
Ok I also did a body comp when I woke up even though I was going to try to hold off on doing one.
123 wt
28.2 fat lbs
23% fat
56.2% h2o
6.2% bone mass
21.7 bmi
Monday, February 20, 2012
122.5
Ok back on track, I love when mondays start fresh. I was really good yesterday and dropped one lb so I am starting this week with 122.5. I have four weeks to get down to 113 or so. Technically very do-able. I wrote donw my body comp with fat mass and everything and did my husbands too. The paper is in the bathroom and I want to do a new body comp on myself every week.
I feel so lazy right now. I slept for 9.5 hours and I should feel well rested but instead I just want to curl up and go back to sleep. So here I am at work sitting in the comfy chair with the feeling that staing awake is a horrible way to spend the next 7 hours. However, I am going to take this oppertunity to relax and try to do nothing. I am very bad at doing nothing, I am great at sleeping, but just sitting and doing nothing is much harder. Knowing my patterns I am sure that by 2am I will be more awake and actually want to either read one of my books or try to read some blogs to get me motivated to stay on track. Eh.
I feel so lazy right now. I slept for 9.5 hours and I should feel well rested but instead I just want to curl up and go back to sleep. So here I am at work sitting in the comfy chair with the feeling that staing awake is a horrible way to spend the next 7 hours. However, I am going to take this oppertunity to relax and try to do nothing. I am very bad at doing nothing, I am great at sleeping, but just sitting and doing nothing is much harder. Knowing my patterns I am sure that by 2am I will be more awake and actually want to either read one of my books or try to read some blogs to get me motivated to stay on track. Eh.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
i suck! 123.5
I suck I suck I suck!
123.5
29.5 fm
23.9% f
55.5% h20
6.2% bone
21.8 bmi
Ok I retook my comp before work because my husband is actually very motivated to drop his fat % right now. So I told him, while we ate pizza hut, that I would do a body comp before work and he can do one when he wakes up so that we have a starting off point. I even left out a sheet of paper with my stats so he can write his down. Yup I am letting him see my numbers and that to me is a big fucking deal> to quote VP Joe Biden.
Well I ate way too much pizza hut and went to sleep and woke up so thirsty I drank 32 oz before I even left for work. So far tonight I have had a veggie burger while my co workers ate pizza, I was ok with not having the pizza since I had pizza hut and it is my favorite pizza. So I brought in 2 veggie burgers and my shreaded wheat to have while here at work. I have drank so much water I have gone to the bathroom 4 times in 3 hours. Now I am actually hungry but I am sitting on a watch (meaning I am watching someone who should be sleeping but is not) and I can't get up to eat which is nice. I need to have a plan for after work today, time to think. Ok leave work and go to walmart for a few things I couldn't get yesterday, go home, eat. But what to eat? I want a bowl of cereal but that can be dangerous since I lack portion control * wait I don't lack portion control anymore! I am starting fresh and I have all the will power I need. I will eat but not binge anymore. Ok positive thinking!:-X.
I have 5 weeks till the bridal shower and there is no way around it I must be down 10lbs by then. I have to! I need a visual reminder that will prompt me to stay in control when I feel weak. The braclet thing won't work since I wear a hoodie everyday, all day, even while sleeping. So what can I do? Anyone have an idea? I kind of want to write on the back of my hand but I really can't. I am trying to look like a mature put together woman and that does not seem very put together. I wear rings everyday so I don't think that would remind me. What to use, what to use? I guess I will have to brian storm for awhile. Maybe a bandaid on my hand? How do I explain a random bandaid on my hand to my husband? I'll keep thinking but maybe the bandaid would work, I could say I have a scrap from work. Maybe...
123.5
29.5 fm
23.9% f
55.5% h20
6.2% bone
21.8 bmi
Ok I retook my comp before work because my husband is actually very motivated to drop his fat % right now. So I told him, while we ate pizza hut, that I would do a body comp before work and he can do one when he wakes up so that we have a starting off point. I even left out a sheet of paper with my stats so he can write his down. Yup I am letting him see my numbers and that to me is a big fucking deal> to quote VP Joe Biden.
Well I ate way too much pizza hut and went to sleep and woke up so thirsty I drank 32 oz before I even left for work. So far tonight I have had a veggie burger while my co workers ate pizza, I was ok with not having the pizza since I had pizza hut and it is my favorite pizza. So I brought in 2 veggie burgers and my shreaded wheat to have while here at work. I have drank so much water I have gone to the bathroom 4 times in 3 hours. Now I am actually hungry but I am sitting on a watch (meaning I am watching someone who should be sleeping but is not) and I can't get up to eat which is nice. I need to have a plan for after work today, time to think. Ok leave work and go to walmart for a few things I couldn't get yesterday, go home, eat. But what to eat? I want a bowl of cereal but that can be dangerous since I lack portion control * wait I don't lack portion control anymore! I am starting fresh and I have all the will power I need. I will eat but not binge anymore. Ok positive thinking!:-X.
I have 5 weeks till the bridal shower and there is no way around it I must be down 10lbs by then. I have to! I need a visual reminder that will prompt me to stay in control when I feel weak. The braclet thing won't work since I wear a hoodie everyday, all day, even while sleeping. So what can I do? Anyone have an idea? I kind of want to write on the back of my hand but I really can't. I am trying to look like a mature put together woman and that does not seem very put together. I wear rings everyday so I don't think that would remind me. What to use, what to use? I guess I will have to brian storm for awhile. Maybe a bandaid on my hand? How do I explain a random bandaid on my hand to my husband? I'll keep thinking but maybe the bandaid would work, I could say I have a scrap from work. Maybe...
Friday, February 10, 2012
121.5
Well yet again I ruined a low cal day in the last few hours I was awake. I know my pattern and I need to plan around my weak time. I can stay on track most nights here at work although I do cave in sometimes when my coworkers bring in certain foods, I can't say no to cake! My weak time has been after work so I can't be hungry when I get home. Today I desided that I was going to get back on my crazy high fiber intake to help me feel full, have regular bms again and keep my cholesterol down for my up coming blood work. So today I planned on a minimum of 25 grams of fiber before I get home from work. It will also only come to 435cals. I am not sure how high/low my calories should be for the day, I love a solid number to strive for, maybe 600-800? 800 is on the high side but I think it will be an easier number to stay below and that will keep me motivated. And its not like I am going to be looking in my fridge going "oh I have 100 extra calories what can I stuff in me before bed?"
Ok so that leaves me with 365 for while I am at home, gross it sounds so high! Ok remember I just have to stay at or below 800.
Anyway I need to do something about having $0 for the next week. I am going to call all my credit cards and if I have anything left, but I doubt it. My sister owes me $13 and my nephew owes me $5 which I need to put in the bank so nothing bounces. I guess I need to suck it up and ask my mom for some of the money she owes me.
Eh that's all for now, I will most likely write more later tonight but I guess I should look like I am actually working.
Ok so that leaves me with 365 for while I am at home, gross it sounds so high! Ok remember I just have to stay at or below 800.
Anyway I need to do something about having $0 for the next week. I am going to call all my credit cards and if I have anything left, but I doubt it. My sister owes me $13 and my nephew owes me $5 which I need to put in the bank so nothing bounces. I guess I need to suck it up and ask my mom for some of the money she owes me.
Eh that's all for now, I will most likely write more later tonight but I guess I should look like I am actually working.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
121.6
Well I suck. To punish myself I went ant used the body composition function on my scale and got all the horrible numbers to write down
Wt. 121.6lbs
Fat mass 28.4
Fat % 23.4%
H2o% 55.9%
Bone % 6.2%
Bmi. 21.5
So yup I am a lazy fat ass that lacks willpower, nice to meet you.
I went through some of my old posts and see that when I used the scale at my old job I had a fat mass of 21lbs. So I am lugging around 28.4lbs of fat which is so gross.
Oh and guess whose coworker brought in donuts, me! I kinda had one, I say kinda because it wasn't very good so I did the reasonable thing and ate the top of the donut which had icing on it. The bottom was dry so I threw that part away. So I know te donuts don't even taste that great yet I am dying to have more. Good god I have issues.
On a good note I was able to purchase gas and bronkaid today thanks to my credit card. On a bad note I found out I am only getting back about $300 from my income tax. That sucks so bad, I am used to getting back about $1,000. This sucks. I was planing on have my tax return and my 1,000 my mom owes me to use to pay off some bills and find a new apartment. I will now have to use the money from my mom as my security for a new place and just keep juggling the bills. This sucks!
Wt. 121.6lbs
Fat mass 28.4
Fat % 23.4%
H2o% 55.9%
Bone % 6.2%
Bmi. 21.5
So yup I am a lazy fat ass that lacks willpower, nice to meet you.
I went through some of my old posts and see that when I used the scale at my old job I had a fat mass of 21lbs. So I am lugging around 28.4lbs of fat which is so gross.
Oh and guess whose coworker brought in donuts, me! I kinda had one, I say kinda because it wasn't very good so I did the reasonable thing and ate the top of the donut which had icing on it. The bottom was dry so I threw that part away. So I know te donuts don't even taste that great yet I am dying to have more. Good god I have issues.
On a good note I was able to purchase gas and bronkaid today thanks to my credit card. On a bad note I found out I am only getting back about $300 from my income tax. That sucks so bad, I am used to getting back about $1,000. This sucks. I was planing on have my tax return and my 1,000 my mom owes me to use to pay off some bills and find a new apartment. I will now have to use the money from my mom as my security for a new place and just keep juggling the bills. This sucks!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
120.3
Ok I am in a much better mental mood tonight, mostly due to my wt loss. It again is all about control: I don't have an easy way to fix all the big problems in my life so I focus on the one thing I can control, my wt. It really is an effective coping skill. Wellanypsycobabble, I do have some big problems right now with money. Basically I can pay all my regular bills but that leaves no money for gas or food. I will look through my notebook I use to keep track of money and see how much will need to make it til next payday. I have a few ways I can get money but I hate each option. Let's see:
Sell my plasma for 20 bucks a "donation" up to 3x a week
Let my nephew sell some stuff for me
Borrow from family
Each option sucks balls and makes me feel scummy.
Ok if I put $18 in the bank nothing will bounce and I will have $12 left. I need at least $100 for gas and at least $50 for food and stuff. So I am short $138. Awesome. I really don't want to go give plasma it is such a gross sensation and process. I guess I could ask my mom since she owes me $1000. I just don't know if she has it give yet. Eh.
Well anyway I realized that in 37 days I lost 7lbs, which is honestly sad. I used to drop that in 2 weeks. I am going to focus hard to get down to my 1st goal of 115 then 110. MY ideal for myself is 99lbs but I am not sure if that will be feasible now that I am married and my husband sees me naked. Same reason I can't cut anymore. I know pluck hair with tweezers form sensitive areas or I would have to cut and make it look like it happened at work which would be hard.
I have 6 weeks till the bridal shower in NY that I MUST look thin for no matter what. I will be wearing something awesome (not sure what) with spanks to make sure I look as good as possible. I need to be between 110 -115 for that day. Then I can start looking for dresses for the summer weddings.
And I have to thank "does it even matter" for reading this verbal vomit and sharing the awesome knowledge of bronks! I think I need a better nickname for you.
Sell my plasma for 20 bucks a "donation" up to 3x a week
Let my nephew sell some stuff for me
Borrow from family
Each option sucks balls and makes me feel scummy.
Ok if I put $18 in the bank nothing will bounce and I will have $12 left. I need at least $100 for gas and at least $50 for food and stuff. So I am short $138. Awesome. I really don't want to go give plasma it is such a gross sensation and process. I guess I could ask my mom since she owes me $1000. I just don't know if she has it give yet. Eh.
Well anyway I realized that in 37 days I lost 7lbs, which is honestly sad. I used to drop that in 2 weeks. I am going to focus hard to get down to my 1st goal of 115 then 110. MY ideal for myself is 99lbs but I am not sure if that will be feasible now that I am married and my husband sees me naked. Same reason I can't cut anymore. I know pluck hair with tweezers form sensitive areas or I would have to cut and make it look like it happened at work which would be hard.
I have 6 weeks till the bridal shower in NY that I MUST look thin for no matter what. I will be wearing something awesome (not sure what) with spanks to make sure I look as good as possible. I need to be between 110 -115 for that day. Then I can start looking for dresses for the summer weddings.
And I have to thank "does it even matter" for reading this verbal vomit and sharing the awesome knowledge of bronks! I think I need a better nickname for you.
Monday, February 6, 2012
121.3
Ok I am very excited with my wt being down, however, I am at work now and not only are there cookies but cake also. Awesome. I might allow myself one serving of cookies later, but that is a maybe. After work I need to go grocery store and pick up a few things unfortunatly I have no money and if I buy anything it is being paid with my rent money. Not good. Since I am working so much overtime money won't be as tight but first I need to get caught up. I am hoping my income tax refund will be good this year just to even me out.
Eh this post is short I am too jumbled to write.
Eh this post is short I am too jumbled to write.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
123.8 really?!
I suck. I ate so many of my favorite crakers that my tongue actually is raw. How gross am I? So now I feel fat and depressed. My husband has been in a funk since we lost the court appeal and since that day I have been stuffing my face with carbs. Yay me. But I have to get on track and down to atleast 113. I have to go to a bridal shower in March and I want to be at 113 for it. So 10lbs is not a lot and should be easy in theory. I will also be going to 2 weddings this summer that will be very fancy and I NEED to be thin. I need to be thin for these events since I don't see my cousins often and I am vain and I want to be thinner than Michelle. I mean come on she can't be richer and thinner than me its just not fair. So I need to be strict now and stop fucking up.
To continue my bitch fest I am also broke. I got paid this week and I only have 30 dollars lrft after paying my bills. So for the next 2 weeks I have to buy groceries and gas some how. I think I will have to wait to pay rent but I really shouldn't push it with my landlord. Oh and Friday night we are meeting some friends out which is awesome to actually have a social funtion but we are going to end up spending money, at the minimum we will spend about 10 to 20 bucks. Maybe I can get some money from my mom that she owes me, eh.
Oh well I have figured out if I work 6 days a week I can pay all of our bills on time. Yup 6 days at a mental hospital, I know how to live it up.
To continue my bitch fest I am also broke. I got paid this week and I only have 30 dollars lrft after paying my bills. So for the next 2 weeks I have to buy groceries and gas some how. I think I will have to wait to pay rent but I really shouldn't push it with my landlord. Oh and Friday night we are meeting some friends out which is awesome to actually have a social funtion but we are going to end up spending money, at the minimum we will spend about 10 to 20 bucks. Maybe I can get some money from my mom that she owes me, eh.
Oh well I have figured out if I work 6 days a week I can pay all of our bills on time. Yup 6 days at a mental hospital, I know how to live it up.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
122.8
I am in complete shock ate my wt after my 3 donut binge yesterday but I guess I was able to balance it all out in the end. I ended up having 3 bowl movemnts (tmi) due to my aniexty being sky high. How poetic that my body pushes food out of its self when I can't hold myself together. Let's recap the day:
Work: ate 3 donuts and a bowl of soup.
I went to see my new therapist and I think she might actually be good for me, she is going o push me out of my comfort zone and actually act like a therapist which will be a change for me. Also I don't think I will be able to divert the conversations to nonissues like I did with my last therapist. So it should be good for me and uncomfortable. I had to do the normal treatment plan with her so I said I want to work on my aniexty, I constatly feel like I am seconds away from disaster. I have felt this way since before May 2008 but it really took off after that. The geting to know me part was a bit comical for me though, I am hyper aware of all my disorded thinking and I can and do list them all and what I should do to fix them. I must be so annoying. Anyway, after that I went home and had a bag of popcorn and shreaded wheat (yay carbs). Then we went to court. I know I said the worst that could happen is the judge says no, and my irrational fear that they would take him to jail, but I really did not expect him to say no. So today after work I will call his probation officer and find out if the rules have stayed the same or if they have been relaxed a bit.
So far tonight at work I have some pretzels and 1 cracker, about 110cals, not bad. I brought my soup and dry cereal but I haven't touched them yet. I have been prety busy throughout the night and I am now enjoying my down time. My life could be a bad lifetime movie. Depressed white girl with an ED who went and got a degree in nutrition, marries man with bipolar disorder and takes job as a mental health worker after the diet center I worked or goes out of bussines. I wonder who could play me?
Work: ate 3 donuts and a bowl of soup.
I went to see my new therapist and I think she might actually be good for me, she is going o push me out of my comfort zone and actually act like a therapist which will be a change for me. Also I don't think I will be able to divert the conversations to nonissues like I did with my last therapist. So it should be good for me and uncomfortable. I had to do the normal treatment plan with her so I said I want to work on my aniexty, I constatly feel like I am seconds away from disaster. I have felt this way since before May 2008 but it really took off after that. The geting to know me part was a bit comical for me though, I am hyper aware of all my disorded thinking and I can and do list them all and what I should do to fix them. I must be so annoying. Anyway, after that I went home and had a bag of popcorn and shreaded wheat (yay carbs). Then we went to court. I know I said the worst that could happen is the judge says no, and my irrational fear that they would take him to jail, but I really did not expect him to say no. So today after work I will call his probation officer and find out if the rules have stayed the same or if they have been relaxed a bit.
So far tonight at work I have some pretzels and 1 cracker, about 110cals, not bad. I brought my soup and dry cereal but I haven't touched them yet. I have been prety busy throughout the night and I am now enjoying my down time. My life could be a bad lifetime movie. Depressed white girl with an ED who went and got a degree in nutrition, marries man with bipolar disorder and takes job as a mental health worker after the diet center I worked or goes out of bussines. I wonder who could play me?
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