Well nothing has changed. All the promises my husband made have continued to be broken, and I can't say I am surprised. For example, I told him I don't like that he takes enough medication to pass out for hours at a time. Has he stopped doing that? No. It's obnoxious that I am not surprised. If it hasn't changed in almost 8 years why would it now? He doesn't even see it. He keeps saying aren't things better? I think he is trying but I don't think he can do what he promises to do. I don't think it's fair to him that I get mad at him for being himself. I am just not willing to live like this anymore. I need to get myself together and actually start the process of divorce. My original plan was to plan my divorce like Katie Holmes. Have everything ready to go with no warning. It seems mean to me but it's the safest option. Not only for me but for him too. If he trys to overdose I will be able to get him hospitalized and get him the help he needs. I fully expect that to happen, which honestly sucks. I know I am not responsible for his actions or reactions and I can't control how he handles things. I also realize he has major borderline personality traits and would try to guilt me back. I guess knowing how things might unfold has kept me in limbo. I can't stay here. I see my counselor this week I had promised myself that I would have things in action by then. So I need to make calls today after work and get my shit together.
Okay totally weird, I am sitting in my office and a coworker came to talk to me to tell me he was taking a job with a different company which sounds great for him and I got the odd feeling he was about to ask me out. So I started to play with my wedding ring since if he was hitting on me he would realize I am married. Ironic that I am planning on divorce at this very moment. But there was really no reason why he would come and find me to tell me this. I mean I worked with him twice I think and he seems like he has his shit together and I was nice to him but it was just super weird, that's the only way I can describe it.
I am in a similar position. We've been together for 8½ years and engaged for six months. I was hoping that the engagement would make him grow up, take some responsibility, not only for his life but also for our relationship. So far nothing has changed. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have known better, I shouldn't have been so naïve to think he would WANT to change.
ReplyDeleteI am too afraid to break up with him, because that would break his heart and then I would stay anyway, out of guilt. He is a nice guy, really, he's just not for me. He'd be better off with someone more like him. Someone kind and sociable.
Omg, sorry for the long post >_<
Stay strong honey.. Sending you whole lot of love and positive energy..
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