That odd feeling

Since I was in training for my new job I haven't had a chance to post anything but tonight was my first night on the job.  So far so good.  Life continues to be bizarre in my normal way.  We celebrated my husband's birthday by going out to eat and his gift is the dog we are fostering we are going to keep.   Our plan is to train this dog to be his best companion.   Always around and able to help calm him down.  
But that is all the normal stuff, in not normal news is the fact that I have been texting my ex boyfriend.  A lot.   He is right now the fantasy in my head with happiness and no drama.   I fully realize that in my head of course it seems awesome but that real life would be drastically different.   But still, when I talk to him it feels so wonderful.   We have stayed up to date with each other throughout the years and I hate how I feel.   But to feel this way again has been so weird.   Talking to him and even thinking about him makes me smile.
It's not even that I want to run away and start a new life.  It's that he is a man.  To me a grown man who can take care of himself and has realistic goals is so refreshing.  
I have been trying so hard the past few weeks to make things better with my husband and I am getting no where.   He lacks any insight into reality.   He complains he is in so much pain but then says he still wants to do the physical stuff that hurt him in the first place.  He wants to get a job but he said he knows some days he wouldn't be able to manage leaving the house.   Oh and he still wants a baby.   Are you kidding me?!  I don't know what I can do. 
I see my counselors next week.   I know what I want to do.   I don't know how I would go about doing it and how I would be able to make sure he continued treatment.   I don't know how anything would go.  My big fear is that he will try to kill himself if I tell him we are over.  I know he would.   He hasn't been stable for so long and I don't know where he could even live.  All I know is right now I am not happy.