Not sure about anything

So the past few months have sucked pretty bad.  I almost 302ed my husband.  A 302 is an involuntary mental health commitment.  I have done it once before after a suicide attempt and I had hoped I would never have to again.  He is not doing well right now.  I feel as though we have been treading water, his bipolar is fucking horrible.  Its not just the mood swings but its everything else that comes with it.  The flight of ideas, poor planning, lack of focus, grandious thinking, it just gets to be too much for me to deal with calmly.  He wanted to drive me to work and pick me up so that he would know how to in the future.  I thought it was a dumb idea but I didn't want to agrue at 11pm so I said fine.  He drove me and it was ok, then in the morning on his way to get me he got lost.  He was so lost he was going to just drive home and told me I needed to get a ride or something.  So I talked him through how to get to one spot and told him to just wait there.  I walked to that spot and saw him coming.  I go to the passenger side of my car and fuck!  The mirror was knocked in, there was a hugh dent and long scratch on the side and the handle for the back door was fucking gone.??  He has no clue how it happened.  I drove up home and I saw a few cars that looked like they had been hit.  He has no memory of it.  So afterwards I told him we can't have a child now.  He didn't take the news happily, he thinks that if we have a baby he will have something to focus on and he will be fine. Are you kidding me? In what universe does that sound like a good idea? He had a psychotic episode the other day that was eerily calm while talking very violently. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but he was calm and psychotic at the same time. Nothing is changing, its not getting better sometimes I think it is getting worse. He thinks he is improving. I can't get him to see reality. He sees his therapist on Friday and I want to go in with him and tell her all of this but he keeps telling me he is telling her everything, then when I ask if he told her about a specific thing he says no I forgot. Ok that's enough for this rant for now. I need things to change.