Forced Change

I hate change. The unkown is always worse in my head then the known. I can remember being this way even as a child. We moved a month before my 8th birthday and I was so distraught with the change that I started to suck my thumb again! So as an adult I know I have this issue and I try to force small random changes every so often. I take a slightly different route when I drive which isn't much but its a small step. Well after work I have a big change, a new therapist. I see a Physicians Assistant who prescribes my medication and over sees my talk therapy. The PA (Carlene) thought it would be god for me to see someone 2 times a month for awhile and Judy the therapist I was seeing wouldn't be able to do that. So I will meet a new chick today and I am now feeling slightly annoyed. I just switched to Judy within the past year and I like her and I know the new girl will be great and all but, ugh, its more change. Carleene thought that by talking to someone who would be able to tell me what my options with my husband are that I wouldn't feel overwhelmed or trapped. I am my husbands sole caretaker and right now I am overwhelmed, tired and saddly I feel trapped. I know I could never leave him, he doesn't have family or friends to fall back on. I am not saying I want to leave, it more that it can't even think of it as a possiblity. I don't want a divorce but I need to know that if he gets violent and dangerous, what my options are. That is what the new lady is going to help me with. Knowing my options and having a plan for the worst case will let me relax a bit. I won't feel trapped. I know it wll be good for me, I need to talk to someone about this stuff instead of hiding it all inside of me. So in 4 hours I will meet Erin, wish me luck.