I haven't blogged in days because something happened and I felt as if I wrote it down it would be real. Of course it is real no matter what I do and I can't talk about it in my real life. I can't believe this is reality. Let me start from Monday morning.
After work I went to the park to sit in the tree house and then went to see my therapist. That was fine. I went home and my husband asked if I got my period yet. I hadn't. I took a test. I got 2 lines. I am pregnant.
I have always known I wanted kids, when I was little I used to play pretend and adopt children. But that was before. Now I am married and the primary caregiver of my bipolar husband. I have thought about how things would be and I know the baby wouldn't be safe. I don't want that to be true but it is. I took the test on Monday around 11am, since then he has shown that this cannot be. Little things add up to big things over time. Not cooking or doing dishes is one thing but as it adds up I know he could not care for a child by himself while I sleep or go to work. He wants to be able to I know he does, but the truth is he can't. I can't. Friday he choked me.
This can't be real. Please let me wake up. I have never wanted my period more. I know what needs to be done, I called to find out the information. I don't want to but its not safe. |
hunni i am so sorry i have not been around or been there for you. I am not on blogger often so if you would like to email me directly post a comment on my blog and we can exchange emails. I am so sorry you are in this tough spot. I don't even know what kind of advice to offer. Just know your best interests are in my thoughts. <3 ya hunni
ReplyDelete