119.5

Well it took me long enough to get back here. I took a week off from the bronkaid and just restarted yesterday and felt awesome. I guess after taking it for awhile my body needed a break from it to feel the effects again. So I dropped over 2lbs in a day from the laxs and bronks. I know I had a bit over 1,000cals yesterday so I wasn't really expected such a drop. I will be taking another dose in about a half hour and today it should be easy to stay on track. Right now I am at work and I brought in dry cereal and veggie burgers. Then I have to go right to sleep when I get home because I am going out with my husband and another couple. The plans don't really involve food so I will pack something in my purse but I won't be buying food or anything.
I want to be 104 lbs.
Ugh, I can do this! I have done it before I can do it again. I will be skinny this summer and enjoy it. 119-104= 15lbs I need gone. Time to get serious again. I am not having my second veggie burger right now, I will not say I am not going to eat it but instead I will assess the situation later to determine if I should eat it. I will continue to do this thoughout the weekend. That is my mini plan. I am goin to hope for 118 on th scale for my Monday wt.

120.3

Ick. Well I had the bridal shower this past weekend and my cousin is still thin and rich and I am not. That sounds really lame if I say it out loud but come on she is an assistant d.a. who wears a 2 or possibly a 0. Yes I am jealous there is no doubt in my mind. I have no idea when I will see her next since I am not going to her brothers wedding after all. All I know is I must lose this extra wt I have been lugging around and get my shit together. I need to actually do something instead of saying I am going to change.
Well it is Monday morning another fresh start. I have my to do list which includes about 5 phone calls I have to make that I have been putting off, today I must cross them off my list! I also have to clean up the apartment since we are having people over this weekend. I can do this, I will do this. Now I must stay on track food wise also and open up my new work out kit I won at the shower. A random prize to win at a bridal shower but awesome for me: it came with a stability ball and 5 workout dvds. That is another reason I need to clean, so I can workout in my living room. Eh I have good intentions now I need good actions.

121.7

So I got my period and had to take stool softeners because I went 7 days without a bm. Awesome. I am hoping that when I wake up tomorrow that my wt will have stabilized and gone down. My plan for today is tp stay under 999 calories, I like that number it seems like the perfect upper limit. I also have to drink at least 4 bottles of water, each 32oz. I am bottle 2 and I want to fill up number 3 before I leave work. I will eat my veggie burgers soon and then I plan on having my shreaded wheat at some point. I figured I could have two toasted cheese sandwhiches with fat free cheese and that would give me 810 calories and 20 grams of fiber. And if I feel like I need something else I have wiggle room.
Hopefully I will be too busy to eat anything else. After work I have to go to walmart and then have blood drawn again, apparently one vile clotted. I then want to go get my haircut since it has been so long since I have had a trim. If I do all of that I won't have time to eat anything else.

120

Ok so this feels very slow but I do realize once I look back at this week it has been a fair drop after all. On Monday after my piggy of a weekend I was 124 and I am now down four of those pounds. I have to stay focused this weekend and luckily I am working so that is really good. I use my phone app to figure out what I will eat for the day and while at work if I stay out of the nurses station I am pretty safe. Last night went really well because I was not able to eat until after 5 am which was perfect since I wasn't able to graze like a cow. If I stay on track and follow my plan I will have490 calories in before I get home from work. The tricky part of the day has always been after work no matter what shift I work. Depending on my husband we might go see a movie but he is still sick so I don't know if we will or not. I do have a doctor visit tomorrow so my morning isn't wide open. Let's see when I leave work at 8:30 I will have until 10 free, so maybe depending on the weather I can sit outside somewhere and read and listen to music. Or I guess I could go visit my family before hand however my grandma has a doctors appointment in the morning also so I am not sure if she will be home. I like the plan to sit and read, maybe if the weather sucks I will go to the library and hide there. Well that's a good back up plan I guess.
Oh and I have not had a BM since Monday when I took the laxitives. Awesome, I am going to wait and see how long it takes to go since I have added my high fiber soup to my diet maybe that will move things along.

120.7

Well that's in the right direction at least.

121.7

Well that's better, but still way too high. I did pretty good after work yesterday except for the potato chips, baked but still damaging. Atleast they are now gone. I woke up and thought breakfast would be a good idea so I had a bowl of kashi cereal, then a bowl of life. I swear something about cereal starts a chain reaction where I keep eating and eating. I am at work now with my 2 veggie burgers and some dry cereal (shreded wheat) and if I eat everything I brought with me I will end up with 800 cals. I will then go home and need to eat something maybe toast with laughing cow cheese. That would keep me near 1000cals fo the day. It will be a very high fiber day because I am trying to get regular again. I woke up to cramps in my stomach and I thought my GI track was sending me a message.
If my husband is feeling better today we might go to the mall for haircuts and I am going to see how much they would charge me to dye my hair red red. I haven't been red in about a year and that has been my default hair color most of my adult life. I have had black hair since November and while I love it I think the red looks "prettier". I have brown eyes and pale skin so I like the contrast of the black but the red if I can get it really viberant would have the same impact. Plus I have noticed recently everyone I see with black hair is either an old lady who hasn't changed the shade of her hair in 30 years or younger girls with the jersey shore style. I haven't even seen any emo kids recently with the black hair. Oh well I will go very red and see how long it lasts. If we go for haircuts I can stay out of the house and away from food for awhile.
Time for some bronks and no doz hopefully that will keep me awake here at work.

Eh.

124

Oh my god I am a fat ass! I gained so much so quickly it is so gross I was 120.1 the other day then my husband had the bright idea to get junk food and sit around doing nothing. And for some reason I thought it was a good idea too! So Saturday at 9 am I was 120.1 and then Sunday night at 10 pm I was 124. I know the agruement about night wt verse morning wt but I work midnight shift so 10 pm is my morning wt. But you don't have an ED for 15 years without learning some all important skills and tricks. I took my laxitives, my diuretics, and my bronkaid. I am also in the middle of my 3rd bottle of water 32 oz in each. I have been to tyhe bathroom aboout once an hour although it is now slowing down. Hopefully when I wake up for work in 16 hours I will see a decent drop. I just can't believe I let myself binge like that after getting down to 120. Oh and my husband tried that "I'm disapointed you binged sweetie". Really?! You really thought having all that junk food around would be ok, and that I wouldn't binge? Hi I'm your wife nice to met you. I tell him that I have a hard time with certain things and he just does not get it.
Anyway let's hope for an awesome drop to get me back on track to hit my goal of 114 by 3/24. Ugh I don't even want to go to this shower anymore.