Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Looking into the past

I am at work right now and instead of being on my adult unit I have been sent to the teen unit. I have been sitting in a doorway watching a young girl sleep while I amuse myself with readings and some music. Here at work we are doing a pot luck meal, everyone brings in food to share, to celebrate one nurse retiring. One nights that we do a party like this I have to mentally prepare myself so that I don't binge eat in front of people. I know I am going to eat more than most people would expect but I don't want to be obvious about it. It takes a lot of my mental energy to allow myself to eat the food that is here because I know it is all full fat high calorie food. However, I am trying to get back to my mindset of moderation and I can eat food like this and not freak out. At least that is my goal.
Anyway, I am sitting in the hallway, I just finished eating pasta and cookies and in comes a young girl ready to be admitted. And I felt a huge punch in my gut. Her left arm was all slashed up. It looked exactly how mine did when I was sent to the hospital at 17. It is so bizarre seeing the otherside of things. It doesn't help that I woke up grumpy and angry. Nothing new just more intense then when I fell asleep. I am starting to feel a bit less grumpy, cookies help. But I still don't feel 100% right. I have too much anger and hurt right now and I haven't been able to shake that lately. I need to work on this I need to find resolution to this or otherwise it will just consume me.
Time to get my head together.

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4 comments:

  1. Ruby TuesdayMay 22, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    That must be tough Josie, having to face your past like that
    I'm sure you have empathy though for that girl
    You know exactly where she is

    You are strong lady Josie
    Keep fighting
    I am rooting for you x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Emily AnonymousMay 22, 2013 at 10:29 PM

    It's tough when you see people that remind you of bad times you've been through. Was it that time in the past that made you choose the job you did? If so, you can at least look at where you've come to and know that some day that girl you helped will be strong like you.
    I hope you find a resolution to whatever is making you feel bad! For me journalling or talking usually helps to figure these things out.

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  3. KittyMay 26, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    I admire the way you handle your job. I know for a fact that I could never ever do your job. You are just so kind and amazing.

    I hope you feel better soon. You deserve the best!

    ReplyDelete
  4. josie13May 29, 2013 at 2:53 AM

    Thanks ladies for your support!

    ReplyDelete

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