Feeling better

Well I am having a really nice night at work, in fact the past few nights have been pretty good all things considered. I am working 13 days in a row and I am on day 11 right now. This could have been HELL but I was lucky and I got a chance to work with some really nice nurses that I haven't worked with in a long while. Now I am sitting in the hallway listening to some O.A.R. (a band) and relaxing. Its a little funny because the hospital has actually been pretty wild the past week but I have not had to deal with any of it. I have therapy after work today and I need to review with her how down I have been the past few months. It was really bad for a bit and I had even considered calling for an emergancy appointment but my depression left me so apathic that I though aout it and didn't do anything about it. I haven't really felt up to doing anything except sleeping, I get really focused on when I get to go to bed and I keep trying to sleep for as long as possible. On a positive note I have had no thoughts whatsoever about hurting myself, which fuck it is progress! And I know I tricked my body this week. I haven't taken a Bronkaid ( an over the counter medicine that is technically a stimulate) in a few weeks and I bought some the other day to start taking. It makes me feel so much better it just seems wrong. I mean it is a med that helps during asthma attacks and ith trouble breathing but it just makes me more awake and happy. I have never told my therapist or PA (the therapist that prescribes me my meds) that I take it so today I am going to be honest. I am not feeling like my normal self, I don't want to do anything, I mean I can muster the energy to go to work but that is about it. Everything else from visiting my family to going for new glasses just seems like too much. Sure a lazy day once in a while is fine but I have felt this way for far too long. It actually is so bad that I took a self help book out from the library that is ment to give a person the steps needed to have "The Total Package" of a life. Seriously, the gaded voice in my head won't shut up as I try to read it. It did get one point across though that is true, I am comfortable, yet not content with my life. I want more but I haven't actually done anything to move my life in that direction. Hopefully this will change.