Mood swings suck

I felt great on Monday today not so much. I am trying to turn that around because I want to have a fun happy day. Work has been nice so far and after work I am going with my sister to pick up a bunny she adopted for my niece. My sister has never had any pets besides fish so I am a bit apprehensive about this life choice, however, I have never played with a bunny so this could be really fun. I also have a bunch of phone calls I need to make but that I keep putting off so today I am resolved to make two of them and have the rest done before the weekend. I have not been doing that great with cleaning up the house but I have a wonderful plan of cleaning on my day off this week and getting fully into spring cleaning! I feel like if I can get the house resonably clean that keeping up with it won't b so bad. It just seems like so much to do and then I don't want to do anything. But that's normal for me, I think something is too much and avoid it. Not for this! I just have to do one thing at a time. I just have to keep this energy so that I can follow through. Food wise I have felt all over the place. I have been trying to eat really healthy but at least one day a week I go off the rails and then feel like I erased all the good I did. I have to remind myself that while trying to find a balance I am not trying to lose wt, instead I am trying to get myself to a healthy mind set. Do I want to lose 10lbs? Sure I do, but I NEED to get myself to a peaceful place first and formost. And that is what I need to keep reminding myself. I am not failing at losing wt right now, I am however doing a much better job each week in eating a bit healthier and a bit more balanced. I want to enjoy junk food but not over eat it. So I will keep going because I am determined.

Well thats good

*If you've got the blues, the answer might be more oranges and greens... fruits and veggies, that is! A study in the British Journal of Health Psychology found that when people ate more fruit and vegetables (about 7 - 8 servings per day), they reported more positive emotions than when they ate little produce.

Pretend

Sometimes I feel as if I spend all my time pretending everything is ok.  I think that the reason is that I hope that by pretending it will be ok that it will be, and sometimes that works but not always.  I pretend I am a confident, take no bull shit, tough, smart chick because that is what I want to be.  When I am not sure about something I try to think what that chick would do.  This has made many choices much easier but it can't work for everything. My husband is bipolar.  He had a severe breakdown and since 2005 I have taken care of him.  I don't know how to transition from taking care of everything to being equal partners but I need to learn.  I keep waiting for the perfect time to have a deep meaningful conversation about this with him but what would make it the perfect time?  I have tried small bits here and there and it seems to improve things for awhile but it fails to last long term.  The contract I wrote for him has lead to change, slowly, but I want and need more.  I guess now that I can admit that to myself it is the perfect time and I just need to do it.  So how do I say "hey honey, its time you put your big boy pants on and start acting like a functioning adult" in a nice loving way?  I think I have to make a list of some of the things I know he can do for himself and start that way. I need a vacation from real life, anyone want to join me?

No failures only learning opportunities

Ok to be positive I have been doing pretty well since the new year with my goals of living an overall healthier life.  I have been trying to stay with a positive state of mind and make rational food choices and I have had more good days than bad.  I even bought 2 pairs of pants and part of me knows I look fine in them, while the crazy part of my mind tells me I look hugh in them, but I have been wearing them like crazy to get over it!  I swear I have fun house mirrors for eyes.  Ok lesson learned in the past two weeks:  I love pizza and I should not eat four slices at once.  I did it two weeks in a row and while it is fine to do that once in awhile I can't do it weekly as it is not healthy.  MODERATION!  So I am going to set my self a goal of eating my 25 grams of fiber and 45 grams of protein everyday for 7 days.  This is realistic and healthy.  I have noticed that since starting this new phase of eating my cravings have gone way down and I am able to ride them out if I need to or satisfy them with something much healthier.  Mind set wise I have been trying to catch myself when I start to get annoyed with different things.  I might not do it right away but I have been trying to look at a sistuation and figure out what is bugging me, if I can change it, or if it is something that I just need to deal with.  I guess its sort of like the Serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. There is more to the prayer but the begining is the part that connects to me right now. Sometimes shit sucks and you need to figure out what to do about it. Twice this week I had to remind myself that even though things were happening that I didn't like, I couldn't change it so it is better to just roll with it and make the best of it. Granted in my head I was throwing a hissy fit and stomping my feet. Ok goal same as last time 45 grams of protein 25 grams of fiber Everyday for 7 days Find dentist for hubby Did this last week and I was given all the wrong info so I have to start all over! Call dentist for me Get new glasses This is all stuff for the next 7 days that I want to get done all while staying in a positive state of mind. Ok happy thoughts!

No too bad

Well my short list of goals seems to be a pretty good way of making sure I get at least some of my tasks done.  I was able to do almost everything, I did not technically set aside time to enjoy something but I felt pretty good because work was mostly chill.  I have been very careful to make sure I get my protein and fiber grams in which keeps me in line to eat healthy.  I did make my soup afterwork which was good, I do need to add more spices though.  I keep tweaking the recipe to find the best blend of veggies and broth but the spice part always trips me up.  At least this time it was too little that I can fix, too much on the otherhand I have to suffer through!  Today I want to balance my checkbook and call a dentist office for my husband.  After 1.5hours on the phone I now have a list of offices that take his insurance and one place is a big group office that has hours on Saturdays.  I figure I should be able to set him up with an appointment  and hopefully soon since he is saying his mouth hurts. This is kind of what I mean when I say I am sick of something always being wrong. If it is not his neck hurting it is his mouth. If not that then he has insomnia, a fever, hearing voices, anything. I know he is sick but I would love a day of nothing wrong. Ok time to switch my frame of mind. I need to stay positive and upbeat because really why would I not want to be positive and upbeat? You can not rely on others for your happiness only you can control that. I read that somewhere a few months back and I wrote it down so that I would remember it. I try to keep that in mind throughout my day as things are happening, I choose how I react and how I am affected. Goals 25 grams fiber 45 grams of protein 4 bottles of h2o Call dentist office Clean litter box Balance checkbook I have so much more I want to add! Trying to keep it short and if I get other things done great if not it can be on tomorrows list. I think that is what I will do, make a list of everything I need to do and check things off as I go along. Maybe seeing myself do a few things at a time will help feel like I can get everything done in due time.

Day off

I am so odd.  I had one day off from work and because I kept sleeping a few hours then hanging out with my husband, I feel like it was 2 or 3 days.  Which is awesome but very confusing to my body.  Oh well I am well rested and I got to spend time with my man and that is what counts.  I didn't do much otherwise but I have my to do list for after work today.  And I went ahead and bought my favorite perfume on line about a half hour ago.  I got the roll on, the spray, the lotion, and insense!  I am so excited, I strted wearing this oil when I was 14 and it is still the one I love the most.  I used to be able to get the roll on oil at a hippie store near my house but they moved so I figured I was out of it and I would just order it the next time I got a coupon.  And today I got a coupon, 20% off!  I knew there was no reason to keep waiting because I end up putting my wants on the bottom of any list.  So I have been making a point to buy somethings for myself.  I have bought one thing each month so far and it has been very nice I must say.  It helps that the first month I subscribed to a magazine so I just my second issue and I bought the 2 pair of pants in February.  I really should have waited to buy this but if I can juggle money around for everyother reason I should be able to do it for myself damn it! Any way, I have been trying the whole moderation and being healthy thing and I have noticed it is much easier when I feel others are watching or noticing, not counting my husband.  That reminded me of when I needed to stop sucking my thumb.  Well to be clear I sucked my thumb when I was very young and stoped at some point.  Then we moved when I was 7.5 and I guess I freaked out because I started again.  I knew I couldn't go to a new school and still do this so I had to figure out a way to stop.  Mind you I was 7.5 years old.  I decided to pretend I was being filmed while I was awake and anyone could be watching.  Now this is a bit strange I think because reality tv wasn't yet a thing.  I think I mainly pretended I was the star of a sitcom and it seemed to work.  So now I am going to use the same idea to help me stay with my healthy lifestyle. It might cause me to develope paranoia but at least I will be healthy otherwise. Ok so to keep going with my goal of a healthy well balanced life: 25 grams of fiber 45 grams of protein Do at least two things on my to do list Take some time to do something I want to just relax I think that is enough for now.