Pretend

Sometimes I feel as if I spend all my time pretending everything is ok.  I think that the reason is that I hope that by pretending it will be ok that it will be, and sometimes that works but not always.  I pretend I am a confident, take no bull shit, tough, smart chick because that is what I want to be.  When I am not sure about something I try to think what that chick would do.  This has made many choices much easier but it can't work for everything. My husband is bipolar.  He had a severe breakdown and since 2005 I have taken care of him.  I don't know how to transition from taking care of everything to being equal partners but I need to learn.  I keep waiting for the perfect time to have a deep meaningful conversation about this with him but what would make it the perfect time?  I have tried small bits here and there and it seems to improve things for awhile but it fails to last long term.  The contract I wrote for him has lead to change, slowly, but I want and need more.  I guess now that I can admit that to myself it is the perfect time and I just need to do it.  So how do I say "hey honey, its time you put your big boy pants on and start acting like a functioning adult" in a nice loving way?  I think I have to make a list of some of the things I know he can do for himself and start that way. I need a vacation from real life, anyone want to join me?