bronaid

128 at work with scrubs on. 127.1 at home before work. It was 126.9 yesterday morning so I know my scale is not broken, its me. But thanks to fellow bloggers I have been introduced to bronkaid, which then had me do a google search, and ask my brither about. The final verdict was to buy it. I have to lose a minimum of ten lbs by 12/29. Big event fo new years invovling wearing a dress and I refuse to look like crap!
In 10 days I have a smaller event but I realized I will be the oldest person in the group (they are all in their 20s) so I want to look good. The skinniest one just had a baby and the two girls I know one is my size the other is slightly bigger. That is if they haven't lost any wt. So let's see how much I can lose in 10 days and then in 18 days. Maybe 5lbs in 10 days and then aim for 10lbs? I know that is pushing it but I have to aim high.
So I took one dosage of brokaid with caffeine and I think I will take a second dose later on since I will be with my mother in the morning, which means food. GAME PLAN: 2nd dosage at 3 or 4 and have my soup. Then maybe a 3rd dosage sine I will have to go out to eat with my mom? I will wait and see. Breakfast with mom can be eggs (egg whites) and maybe a fruit serving? I don't know what I will find on the menu where she wants to go. So fruit or maybe a slice of oast, no butter. Eh we will see.
All I know is when I get on the scale next it better be down atleast .5lbs.

127.2

At home the scale finally moved. 127.2 is still horrible but it is down. I didn't fast yesterday, I have been working too many hours this past week. I had my soup yesterday and then went home and had 2 bowls of fake cherrios with unsweeten almond milk. I wanted donuts so bad but I couldn't physically get out of the car and buy them, that is how tired I was yesterday. I am off work the next two days and I will not be coming in for thbe overtime. I just can't. I am worn out. I can't wait to sleep for 10hours and just not wake up to an alarm. Maybe I will stay up today until 6 or 7 tonight and then just sleep or should I take a nap for a bit and stay up late with my hubby. The last time I took a nap I woke up and couldn't stay awake. I guess it will just depend.

fuck

What the hell! I have stayed the same wt for so long I can't believe it. I have been eating less and less and nothing! So when I wt myself a few hours ago when I woke up and it was 127.9!?!? Fuck. So I just got to work and I was 129. I am pissed and hungry too. I was thinking of fasting today but it maks me grumpy and I already am in a pissy mood. Maybe I will just do like 500cals or something for a few days. If I do it today(Saturday) and Sunday since I am working it won't be too hard. I just can't believe how fat I let myself get. FUCK. Myb legs look gross. My back has FAT on it. My stomach is hugh. You know the normal fat fat fat!

128.5

Ok I just wt myself at work and it is about 128.5. I say about because it is the old fashion kind and not a digetal one. So I guess I will kept wt here even though I am worried someone might see me. I have to take off my hoodie, take off my shoes, my glasses and empty my pockets. I can just imagine what that would be like. So now I will use my scale (which I didn't mark its place) and my work one.
So today I must take the time to mark where the scale should sit.
Today is thanksgiving and I will be going to my moms, so much food! Luckily my favorite stuff for the holiday is lower in calories.

White meat turkey/no gravey
Plain corn with a tiny bit of mashed potatoes (the potatoes are really fattening)
Chocolate pudding pie(sugar free pudding with lowfat pie crust)
So not to bad hopefully I won't gain anything for tonight.

i hate my scale

This scale situation is driving me crazy, I have nothing to go by in terms of progress. I just wt myself here at work with the old school dr office scale and it was 129. I have had 48oz of water so far but no food. At home my scale is all over the place from 125 to 130.4? How can I utilize that kind of information? Unfortunatly I noticed how big my legs have become. I used to be able to circle my legs with my hands almost all the way up, now not so m. Now uch. I mean I can do it right above my knees but that is it. I can't believe I let it get this bad again. I guess my only solance is that I have done it before and I WILL do it again. I need to get down to atleast 110lbs. And that is going to be on my scale, my old one my mom has or the one here at work. I don't care as of right now which one. I went after work to walmart to buy diet pills because the ones I purcased last week did nothing for me. I got a blue bottle of zantracs? I can't spell for shit but it is the same brand of he red ones from last week and I know these work since I have used them before. I wish I could take something strong like really strong to lose 20lbs before new years. I guess I will just have to do the standard eat as little as possible and hope and pray for ab noticeable loss. I can't belive my awesome new scale is broken! My other worry is that maybe its not broken and it is just that my apartment is off balence so when I step on it depending where it is I get a different number. When I get home I am going to have to mark where it should be each time I use it. I don't know how I will do that as to not have my husband see what I am doing. Its sometimes but not to say everything that runs through your mind. I have yet to eat and I am half way through my shift here at work. I have my homemade soup that has 234 cals and 13gram of fiber(I need to get my digestive track working again) and a coworker brought in donuts from my favorite place. She had anothr coworker but one to the side for me. 210cals is not a hugh amount but I have no control I usally eat 6 of those or start with one and go on to continue to binge. I hate this. I need to control myself and not be gross. Well that's all for now. 4:17 am no calories yet.

crap

I am going crazy. My scale is lying to me everytime I step on it. To make myself feel more in control I took my measurements. I am going to measure myself every two weeks until I get back to the size I was at my smallest. When different pants fit I know I have lost inches. That might be the only way I will be able to noticed. I really just want my scale to work. This sucks. In other news I didn't have a bm in about a week so I took 6 laxitives and went to bed. I woke up with crazy cramps and so far at work I have had 3 bms. So it was effective. Unlike the diet pills I bought that seem to do nothing. They don't even make me pee or give me energy, what a waste. I am going to buy a new bottle of pills but I wil have to figure out which ones to get.

my scale is broken i think

I think my scale is broken. I stepped on it 3 times and got a different wts. I have been eating less than 900cals per day and chugging water like crazy. This sucks how can I track my progress? I can't buy a new scale because its still pretty new. I changed the batteries and I thought that would fix it but I guess not.
125 is what it was reading then 130 127.6 pretty much all over the place.
This afternoon my husand got all loopy. He was driving me crazy, he dropped his water bottle, knocked down his crap everywhere and was talking without making sense. Grr

hungry

Well I am at under 400cals for the day and I just need to eat something small before I go t bed. Thank god I am finaly done with my errands.

opps

I saved the post I was working on by mistake oh well. I found a nail file in my purse so I can type how I normally can. I wish I had some carrots to munch on right now but instead my coworkers brought pie and reddi whip in. Really?! Luckey me I don't like fruit pies but I do love reddi whip. I just have to stay on track. Maybe I can avoid eating my soup till 6 or 7 so that when I get home I won't be hungry, well even if I am I just have to think about the pay off. I can't be this t for new years, I must get back down! No excuses.

really?

How is it that I had less than 800cals and I didn't lose wt? Well if my body wants to play games fine I will play too. So far today I have had less than 200cals. I have my soup here at work but i will not have it unil 6am the earlest.
I cut my nails yesterday and my one thumb nail is typing funny, I can't type as fast as inormally do and it is really bothering me!

126.3

Ug I feel like a fat ass for being happy with getting "down to" 126.3. I can't believe I let myself get this fat again. I have four weeks until a all girls day out at which I MUST be at 120lbs. Or less. Then three weeks unitl new years where I would like to be 116lb.s. that is still way too much but it will have to do I guess. I have to get back to 110 and then 103 and then 99!
126=22.3
120=21.3
116=20.5
110=19.5
105=18.6
So 20lbs is what I have to lose and then a few more for insurance.

128 ugh

Ok I did really well yesterday, I stayed under 1000cals but the last thing I ate was high in sodium so I guess I was a bit bloated on the scale. Tonight I came into work early and I am hungry but I can't stand the idea of being this weight for the family event. Gross. Sob I am trying really hard and I am very motivated to be back at 110 by new years eve. I know I look good there even if I want to be lower 110 is the first major goal. Seven weeks so it would be 2.5lbs a week. That will be hard but 2lbs a week would be 114 which isn't horrible but ok. My stomach is growling right now but I am going to wait till2 am to eat and have my homemade high fiber soup. I also have a banana, a fiber bar and a kashi bar for later on but I want to space it all out.
More later...

128 ugh

back on track

So I got a new phone and I like it but the keyboard is hard to get used to. It is going to take awhile to get the hang of it.
My wieght has not been this high in years since I stopped binge eating, sadly I started back. But I have been doing well for two whole days so I am feeling abit better. Unfortunatly I have a family event this weekend and I don't feel like I can wear the dress I planned to wear.