114.7

I was completly shocked at the amount on the scale when I woke up, in a good was since I overate to the point of stomach pains after work. Fucking cereal. But I used every advantage I could after getting on the scale to ensure I see another drop tonight when I wake up. (Fyi I work night shift at a mental hospital, my most often task is to watch one patient on a 1 to 1 basis who is on suicide watch) Anyway, I was running a bit late so I had a choice to make either blow dry my hair or eat. I woke up super hungry and thirsty but I reminded myself that eating would feel nice for about 20 minutes top but knowing my hair looked halfway decent would feel good until I go to sleep. Well I was right 2 coworkers gave me compliments. One said I looked liked I lost wt and another told me my hair looked really nice. I don't know about you guys but that made my day. At work I didn't get a chance to eat til 3:30am when I had 3oz of chicken and 1 cup corn. At 7 am I made broccoli with melted fat free cheese and I did have two moments of weakness. I ate about 5 crakers from our snack draw and I ate 3 oatmeal cookies from my moms house. I then went home and had 1 serving of dry cereal and now I am in the waiting room at my husbands therapist. I am going to eat a fiber bar before I drive back to the house and pop my antidepressant that makes me sleepy and I have taken 1 mg of xanax for the day. So right now I am trying to relax and listen to some soothing songs by O.A.R and update this blog. I also had to bookmark Kitty and Ruby so that I can read up on you two ladies, the little bit I was able to read so far made me feel, well less alone. Its horrible that anyone has to feel such horible feelings but knowing someone else has an actual understanding of how I feel makes me feel more connected to reality. Let's be honest I can't really tell people in my "real" life what my life is really like so keeping everything to myself always leads to trouble for me, here I don't filter anything. Its my one place I can be fully honest. Thank you ladies for letting me have a place like this.