115

Ok I feel so much better with this number on the scale, I mean I want less but it is a better number than I have been this past week. So today I have no appointments or activities that I have to do which means I wil have to fight through my weak time of day, after work! I was thinking that after work I could go home and eat something within the confines of a normal size and then go to the park with the dog. It is a workable plan since I eat and then get out of the house. I think it will depend on the weather because I will not want to walk if it is 90 degrees. If that happens I could go to the hippie store to buy my perfume oil since I am almost out and some insense too. That's an ok plan b I think. Ok I just loaded a pic with this post to see how it uploads with the text. I normally have to write a post in my email and then emal it to blogger if I am posting at work which is always since I don't want my husband finding my blog. This is the one place that is mine and mine only. I don't filter myself here I can be honest with myself and not have to pretend everything is fine. I can't do that in my real life, I even censor myself with my therapist because I can't admitt to another person how bad it gets. I do open up more now than I used to but complete honesty it is not. I have to say right now I am feeling ok, not great or stable or happy, just ok. I know its not magic but I like to believe that if I get down to 108lbs, super goal of 99lbs but unlikly, I will feel so much better. If only.