this didnt post for some reason

> Well not really opps, I knew what I was doing when I poured my second bowl of cereal. I think it is like what "old timers" in AA say "I can stop, I just can't stay stopped." I know my patterns and I can forsee these mini binges coming I can't stop them everytime. The sad thing is that I enjoy them still. I know the shame of my husband seeing the amount of food disappear and the panic as to the result the scale will show but I guess it is like scratching a rash. It feels so good in the momment even knowing that you are making the problem worse. > So I sit here at work haven just eaten my lovely healthy meal feeling ok. I feel my depression has been more active recently and I was looking to see if I could pin point it to anything specific. My family has been one point of stress, my car needing expensive repairs, my husbands health- all together become too much and I just want to escape. I just feel like I am always trying to fix or take care of something or someone. I need a personal day. Just me. I was even thinking that one night I would either call off sick or leave early but not go home. I don't know exactly what I could do at 4 am but it sounds awesome to take a time out for real life. I think going into the woods for the sunrise sounds devine if not dangerous also. > Maybe that is why I love being the staff member to watch the patients who are on suicide procautions, I involves a lot of observing and stoping anything harmful. If the person is sleeping I can read and relax set apart from everyone which is the main way I get alone time. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be alone all the time I have done that and it is lonely, but I crave time by myself. I guess that is life, finding the right balance. Not too much or too little of anything. Ah yes no problem for us ED patients right?