I use to smoke cigarettes

I quit smoking over ten years ago. I doesn't bother me when someone smokes next to me even in a car. Once in awhile when a new patient comes in I can take them for a smoke in the "smoke room", as you can imagine the room reeks of stale smoke from all the smoke over the years. But I actually like walking into the room and lighting a persons cigarette, the smell brings me back to college. I spent a lot of time in the smoke lounge and that quick wiff of the staleness makes me smile. I sometimes get really stressed or frazzled and think about smoking. But its weird I actually have no desire to do so. A few times I have tried to smoke and I took one puff and I was done. I had no want to smoke. I guess I thought it would be relaxing, as it had been in the past. It use to be a coping mechanism but it doesn't work anymore. I want to get to that point with eating. I want to eat because I need to fuel my body. I want to eat because the food is incredible. I want to eat for the right reasons. I don't want to eat to numb myself. I don't want to eat to calm down. I don't want to eat and feel I can't stop. I don't want to not eat because it makes me feel like I have control. I don't want to not eat to punish myself. I don't want to not eat as a way to get back at others. I want to eat for the right reasons. Food is my coping mechanism and I am trying to change that. Slowly I am getting better at seeing another way. Slowly I am learning how to avoid needing to "cope". I want to live my life not just make it through. That is my focus. That is my goal LIFE.