My vacation from real life

So I binged Monday morning after work.  I fought the battle in my head all throughout work, on my way home, until I pulled into the parking lot of the store.  I got my drug and wished I had a spoon with me, I even looked for a plastic one in the small ready to eat section of the store.  I got home, ate the whole thing and went to my bed.  By this time I had been taking one of my medications that I control how much I normally take.  I am pescribe upto 1.5mg a day and have them in .5mg tablets.  I sometimes don't take any, sometimes .5, or 1mg, but hardly ever do I take the full 1.5.  Well I am not exactly sure how much I took, I believe it was between 2.5 -3.5.  I didn't feel as numb as I had hpoed but I did sleep for 14 hours.  I binged again on Wednesday after work but not as bad.  Same begining as Monday but when I got home my husband was awake.  He saw me eat the whole cake.  He said I know what you are doing, and I said you know I am still upset right?  And then I explained why I was mad at him and how I can not pretend it is all ok, because it is not.  Just because you clean up after a storm doesn't mean the storm didn't happen. Ok so I binged.  I let my emoitions get in control instead of my mind.  I can't let myself get that upset, sitting and stewing until I exploid.  So fresh start.  I have my healthy food here at work to eat and after work I am not sure what I will eat just yet but I will think about that before I get home so I don't deside while starving and standing in my kitchen.  I also have to keep up with this whole explaining how I feel stuff.  I am just not use to it but as I know I have to.  I can not just pretend everything is ok and wait unit I melt down.  I have to explain to my husband what I am feeling and why.  So for the goal for the next 12 hours, which is how much longer I will be awake, I need to focus on my healthy life. That means staying calm here at work and afterwards with my husband. I am taking him to see his therapist at noon then coming home to go to bed. He runs late a lot so I plan around that because I hate being late. I am also going to eat before hand so that when I get back home I will be able to go right to sleep. I need to remind myself that I can't change everything, but I can change how I react! Ok back to my real life. Its time to live.