shit

So my very supportive husband had pizza 3x this week, you know after I told him how hard it is fr me not to binge. His answer- you can can have one or two slices! Really sweetie? Is that why I am still in therapy after 13 years? Hejust doesn't get it because when we first started dating I was eating like a normal person, I call it my reprive from being crazy. Well that time is long gone and he can't wrap his head around the consept of trigger foods or lack of portion control. So here I am stil in bouncing between 123.1 and 124.7. Yay. But I am a planer who craves control so here is my plan:
Wake up take bronk
Go to work-eat the bare minium (maybe pretzels or fiber bar)
Take bronk around 5 or 6 am
Go home have something small to eat to appease hubby if I have to
Take bronk before going to visit family for lunch
Eat lunch with family- as little as possible
Go home and try not to eat before I crash and go to sleep

Well the plan written out sounds fine its just implemnting that gets hard. Family meat will most likely be a pasta dish of some sort and I can have a toasted cheese sandwhich after work for under 200 cals. Ugh

Fuck I also forgot to take my prozac before I left for work so I need to take that as soon as I get home. I realy wish I could get my meds changed or adjusted. I have had no motivation for life for months now. Even small things like balencing the check book, calling for appointments, and putting clothes away have been a struggle to do. I need to do atleast one of these pesky tasks a day to feel like a functioning adult. I reaaly suck at this being an adult crap. Well that's not true I did do all of this crap up until last jun
e or so when I just became burned out. I guess you can only survive in over drive/full speed for so long before the engine dies. But maybe forcing my self to dob some of these things will get me feeling better.
As for now I feel like a omie who can't get anything done.
You know what this is dumb my husband can do some of this shit. I am going to make a list and give him some shit to do. He is now able to do some of this shit now and its time he starts. Ok now I feel a bit better. Although I still want a pause botton for life.