120.3

Ok I am in a much better mental mood tonight, mostly due to my wt loss. It again is all about control: I don't have an easy way to fix all the big problems in my life so I focus on the one thing I can control, my wt. It really is an effective coping skill. Wellanypsycobabble, I do have some big problems right now with money. Basically I can pay all my regular bills but that leaves no money for gas or food. I will look through my notebook I use to keep track of money and see how much will need to make it til next payday. I have a few ways I can get money but I hate each option. Let's see:
Sell my plasma for 20 bucks a "donation" up to 3x a week
Let my nephew sell some stuff for me
Borrow from family

Each option sucks balls and makes me feel scummy.
Ok if I put $18 in the bank nothing will bounce and I will have $12 left. I need at least $100 for gas and at least $50 for food and stuff. So I am short $138. Awesome. I really don't want to go give plasma it is such a gross sensation and process. I guess I could ask my mom since she owes me $1000. I just don't know if she has it give yet. Eh.

Well anyway I realized that in 37 days I lost 7lbs, which is honestly sad. I used to drop that in 2 weeks. I am going to focus hard to get down to my 1st goal of 115 then 110. MY ideal for myself is 99lbs but I am not sure if that will be feasible now that I am married and my husband sees me naked. Same reason I can't cut anymore. I know pluck hair with tweezers form sensitive areas or I would have to cut and make it look like it happened at work which would be hard.

I have 6 weeks till the bridal shower in NY that I MUST look thin for no matter what. I will be wearing something awesome (not sure what) with spanks to make sure I look as good as possible. I need to be between 110 -115 for that day. Then I can start looking for dresses for the summer weddings.
And I have to thank "does it even matter" for reading this verbal vomit and sharing the awesome knowledge of bronks! I think I need a better nickname for you.