what a crappy week

I can't wait to get home, crawl into my bed, put the covers over my head and have this week end already. I hate May. I used to love it, I mean come on weather getting nicer and all of nature blooming, how culd I not? Now when I think May I feel a hollowness inside of me.
The 4th was the aniversery of my grandfathers death. I wasn't able to say goodbye, he was in the hospital after another heart attack and I didn't drive in to see him. No one would have thought he was going to die my mom said to come in and visit during the weekend because he would be home then.
A few weeks later I was at work and had a bad ceeling, something was wrong. I was suppose to go to a few schools to bring flyers to teachers and I called my husband from my cell. He wasn't right. He was slurring his words but sounded, well I can only describe it as pressured speech. Something was wrong and I told him I would be home in a few minutes. He sounded painicky and told me not to come home. So I went home. I found him in the bathroom. There was so much blood. He had taken an overdose of meds and washed it down with vodka. He then started to cut himself. The rest of the day is a horrible blur of a 911 call, police, ambulance, hospital, physical restraints, and signing commitment papers to have him hospitalized. It wasn't his first attempt. The rest of that month was so horrible and unfortunatly I can not get it out of my head. He was taken to a hospital 2.5 hours away. He stayed a week and then it got worse. He was arrested at the hospital for assult. While he had been in the ER he as coming in and out of it. He hit some
people who were trying to hold him down. They then put him in the restraints for over 9 hours which he slept through thanks to a high dose of medication given in a shot. He went to jail. They took him off all his meds. It was bad. Very very bad. I finally got him out. He was put on house arrest eventually. When we went to fill out paperwork for the house arrest he was taken into custody again because he had alchol on his breath from the night before. Very dumb. He went to jail and again was taken off his meds. I finally got him home and back with his therapist and into intensive therapy. He is still on probation and I can't drive by the jail still.