17 years...

It occurred to me yesterday while I was driving home from work that 17 years ago this week I went on a diet. That was when the fire was started on my ED. I had been slowly building up to it, looking back I can see that disordered behaviors started around 8. But at age 14 the week before Valentines Day I thought I should lose about 10lbs. I wasn't content with 10 so I kept going. In the past 17 years I can pick out 2 summers that I was comfortable with my body, 2 out of 17. So it is time to be what I want. I want to be a grown up woman Who is in control of her life Who feels comfortable in her skin Who lives a full life Who doesn't hold herself back Who isn't scared of messing up I am tired of pretending. The mask I wear is very realistic but I know it is fake. It is time to stop and actually BE.